You’re Tired. I’m Tired.
Is it over yet?
I’m tired of being tired.
Caution: This is a rant.
My days, like many of you, are the same. There’s no difference between the weekend or weekday or the morning from night. Every day feels exactly the same.
Yes, there’s a routine. Yes, I work on weekdays. And yes, I don’t work (most of the time) on weekends. But that’s just it. There’s nothing more to it.
Wake up, brush teeth, make the bed, make coffee, walk dog, work (or not), make lunch, eat lunch, work (or not), make/order dinner, eat dinner, wash dishes, walk dog, watch tv, sleep… repeat.
And then there’s the other activities… sweep and mop the floors, clean the surfaces, dust, wash the laundry, not fold the clothes or put them away, and other things around the house you have to do.
And that’s it. Ok fine, I should put exercising somewhere in there but where and what is the motivation?
Want to make this worse — I’m going to. At the 15th and 1st of every month, all those mundane daily tasks are met with the paycheck leaving your bank account to pay rent and bills.
The only unpredictable thing in my life is whether I’d wake up feeling rested or simply exhausted. And it’s usually the latter.
It’s 12:42pm right now, February 18, 2021.
It’s been 48 weeks, 1 day, 17 hours 42 mins since our first lockdown on March 17, 2020 (sort of).
That’s about 11 months in lockdown — or with some level of restriction, self isolation, quarantining and social distancing.
Almost 1 full year…
This isn’t normal. Maybe it’s an extrovert characteristic but I am going crazy. Sure, I talk to people every day. I video chat with my colleagues and friends every single day. We had a couple of people in our isolation pod so physically we have seen a couple of people throughout the pandemic… but it’s not helpful enough.
‘Pick up a new hobby’ they say. I started the pandemic doing the pantry challenge — cooking everything I can think of from the pantry only. That lasted 2 weeks.
‘Go for walks’ they say. I do, I walk my dog every day. But the parks aren’t open. And when they are somewhat accessible, EVERY ONE is there. And let’s all be honest, people DO NOT SOCIAL DISTANCE THEMSELVES.
‘Stay positive’ they say. Do you want to know what I think about that? STOP TELLING ME TO STAY POSITIVE. Toxic positivity is not helpful when there’s very little end in sight!
People say they are saving a lot more money now that they don’t have the ability to spend it going out to eat, travel, entertainment, etc. Not this girl — our household is spending more money ordering takeout (on top of ordering groceries — not to mention the increased cost of groceries!), online shopping to make us feel better… you’re welcome, Jeff Bezos! I’ve even started ordering more Krispy Kreme donuts just because! I’m not even a sweets person!
You are probably saying that every one of those are things I can control. Yes, you are right. They are wants, not needs.
Sure, the truth is I don’t need/shouldn’t need to order takeout because I can cook and I have groceries. My fridge and pantry are usually full. Do I let the food sometimes go bad because I am too tired and unmotivated to cook after work (more regularly than not)?
Yes I do.
Do I need to browse Amazon for books Medium writers recommend knowing I won’t read them, alongside more knick knacks that I don’t need, or snacks that seem remotely unusual, or a new shoe rack for the house, or dog toys, or a ring light (for convenience even though I have a complete set of filming and lighting equipment)…?
Yes I do.
Did I need to start a new YouTube series where I have to spend money buying foods/snacks from different countries, spend every other weekend filming, editing and creating content… just so that I feel creative amidst all the mundane, while at the same time putting unnecessary pressure on myself to deliver content together with all the other social channels I manage? (And get little ROI other than a few pats on my shoulder and feeling good that some people enjoy my content.)
Yes I did.
Am I a little bitter about it all?
Yes I am.
Am I allowed to be?
YES I AM.
Am I going to continue obeying the restrictions to be betterment of society in hopes to beat this stupid virus?
Relax, yes I am. Doesn’t mean I can’t feel crappy about it all.
Everyone I’ve spoken to are over it. Even the introverts are over it. A few months into the pandemic, my introvert friends are saying they love it. They love making their time at home. They love having extra alone time and not feel obligated to face the world. They like having time to do the lonesome activities they love. But at the same time, they are also working longer… they are having to be on video conferences so much more. They are exhausted by the end of the day. Their motivations to do anything is low… even the lonesome things.
They crave a nice walk in the park with a friend. They want to sit at a restaurant and be served while in conversation with someone.
They want the option.
I want the option.
If you’ve read this far into this article, you’re probably waiting for me to turn this rant around and provide some POSITIVE solutions. No, I’m not. I cautioned you at the start that this is a rant. And only a rant… a rant to validate your feelings of tiredness and despair.
The worse thing of all this is just the waiting. Waiting for the unknown. Waiting for uncertainty. Waiting for life to go back to normal. Oh how normal never seemed so enticing. Normal is now the abnormal.
It’s my friend’s birthday today and she got a text message saying “Happy Birthday. I guess it’s hard to do something special now. But when this is over, hope you can do something then!”
She called me and said “I’m so tired of having to wait to do something.”
Can I blame her?
She’s at home every day with a husband with a traditional mindset of what a woman’s role is. She’s got a full time job that is very demanding. Technology that doesn’t seem to agree with us these days, thus hindering our ability to do work properly and efficiently. She’s had the last few months dealing with three young kids screaming every 5 seconds, and her trying her best to get them sorted for virtual lessons. She has to cook, clean, work, take care of the kids… do I need to go on?
What’s he doing…? Nothing. He’s being a dude.
She deserves something special. And not just because it’s her birthday. She deserves to have a life… because she’s a kick ass woman who stays strong amidst all the fuss. She tries to stay strong. She tries and she tries and she tries. She tries to console herself that other people have it worse or that we’re all in this plight together. She puts up a front to her friends, family and her bosses that she can handle it. And I KNOW SHE CAN. But that’s not the point. The point is that we will break some time.
And we are all near breaking point.
I’m tired of being tired… but life goes on…
Author’s note: All opinions expressed are of my own and do not have affiliations with any corporate entity.
