Watch Out For Self-fulfilling Prophesy
Trust me, it exists and it can swallow you whole
“Watch your thoughts, they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.” ~Lao Tzu
Mental health issues are a beast to overcome. I understand that sometimes it is extremely difficult to control our thoughts. Some require help through therapy and/or medication. But some just can’t seem to help themselves.
Have you ever been around people who just drain your energy because they are really negative all the time? They’re also paranoid and suspicious about everything and everyone. You find yourself having to reassure them, encourage them, and even convince them over and over again. Every conversation is tiresome.
I’ve been around people, in my personal and professional life, who constantly make themselves the victim in every scenario. From them thinking that people are talking bad about them, to them believing that people don’t like them… to them thinking that you are lying to them or keeping information from them… to them blowing up a small setback into something that’s almost the end of the world… among many other examples.
The thing about people like this is that eventually they will start experiencing self-fulfilling prophecies.
Wikipedia defines a self-fulfilling prophecy as the sociopsychological phenomenon of someone “predicting” or expecting something, and this “prediction” or expectation coming true simply because the person believes it will and the person’s resulting behaviors align to fulfill the belief.
Generally, people tend to shy away from very negative people. There have been times when I consciously had to make an effort to stop being around people who bring me down — simply because I wasn’t strong enough mentally to hold them up and I had to take care of my own mental health.
Our minds make up scenarios that are believable. It could work well for some… i.e. manifesting and believing a good scenario for yourself to which you tend to do things to make that happen. Or it could serve you detrimentally and uproot issues like insecurity and depression.
It’s a vicious cycle because if a person always thinks that people dislike them, they exhibit behaviors that are repulsive, causing others to stay away or avoid them. In their minds, people avoiding them have now become their proof-point to being disliked.
“Be careful with your thoughts and your words, your brain has the power beyond imagination.”
Let’s take another example. A person that has been scarred by a cheating partner in the past would rightfully find it difficult to trust new partners, regardless of how trustworthy they are. They’ve created an expectation of distrust in their relationship to the extent that they would find proof to justify their paranoia and suspicions. Imagine having to turn your screen off just as your partner looks over — an innocent coincidence! But they blow up at you accusing you of cheating on them because you’re hiding something. You show them the phone and they accuse you of deleting the ‘evidence’.
You can’t win. Eventually, this behavior repeats itself in many other scenarios and you find yourself resenting them. You’re unhappy. You fall out of love. Eventually you grow tired and angry… in the meantime someone else happens to come along and you find yourself developing feelings for them. You find it in you to break up with your overbearing partner because you don’t want to cheat on them. But you need to find your own happiness.
You did not cheat (as least not physically). But to them, you did.
This is a tricky one — but I’m going to say what is the least favored point of view: it’s not your fault. If you did all you can but the problem lies in the insecurities of the individual who sabotaged the relationship, pushing you away… then that is a much larger issue than you developing feelings for someone else.
In a work setting, if you believe that your ability to perform is lacking, you might end up sabotaging yourself. Let’s put it this way, if you don’t think and/or feel that you’re going to do well or deliver a quality piece of work, you might not put in as much time and effort into doing it, or worse, avoiding doing it altogether.
From there you spiral into the pool of low self-esteem or lack of confidence because you end up not having enough practice and experience from not doing the work the way you should have.
According to Positive Psychology, this is how interpersonal self-fulfilling prophecies happen (and usually in a vicious cycle): First, you have a belief or a set of beliefs about yourself; these beliefs influence your actions towards others and how you behave; these actions will impact other people’s beliefs about you; and ultimately, their beliefs influence how they behave consistent with those beliefs towards you… which then reinforces your initial beliefs about yourself.
Be careful because this can apply to any interpersonal scenario…
In the words of Henry Ford:
“Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.”
The point is that you (and only you) have the power to change your circumstance — for better or for worse. Your first step is to identify what you believe about yourself…
“I’m a horrible writer.”
“I don’t have talent.”
“I’m ugly.”
“I will never be successful.”
“I’m selfish.”
“I will never find love.”
“People don’t like me.”
… and so on…
Then pay attention to how you say/act and what you say/act to people. In fact, ask someone whom you trust to call you out on behaviors and words that reinforce negative mindsets.
Remember, negative thoughts can become a reality... if you let them. Switch your mindset. The good news about self-fulfilling prophecy is that it works for positive thoughts as well!
Practice makes perfect. The more you do it, the easier it becomes. Now go on and become that happy-talented-loyal-smart-kick-ass-person who is always surrounded by people who are infected by their positivity and simply can’t get enough of them!
Editor’s note: All opinions expressed are of my own and do not have affiliations with any corporate entity.
